Richmond City Jail, Tim Barber, George Allen

Because Miles Godwin was elected governor in 1965 as a Democrat, only to be re-elected non-consecutively in 1973 as a Republican, here are today's nominees for Worst Virginians in the World!

The bronze goes to Richmond City Jail. Inmate Maurice Emile, accused of robbing a bank in Richmond and another in North Carolina, was being transferred to federal custody when he got mixed with a group of inmates for release, and Emile was "inadvertently released" himself, the Richmond Times-Dispatch reported Thursday.

Police spotted the mistake right away and pursued Emile, who was dressed in street clothes. He was captured after he tried to rob the same SunTrust Bank he was originally accused of robbing in April. Emile was unarmed and simply handed a teller a note asking for money, and no one was hurt. He will be arraigned in federal court in North Carolina on Oct. 5.

The timing couldn't be worse for Richmond Sheriff C.T. Woody. He has been criticized for nepotism for hiring 10 family members since being elected, and he fired two deputies last week for having inappropriate sexual contact with two female prisoners.

The silver goes to Tim Barber, chairman of the Pittsylvania County Board of Supervisors. His and his colleagues' defiance over prayers at board meetings that invoke Jesus has landed them in court with the ACLU.

Nondenominational governmental prayers are fine, courts have ruled, but any that advance or support one faith over another violate the First Amendment. Barber supported a resolution to remove the prayer from the agenda and hold it before the official meeting, the Danville Register & Bee reported for Tuesday's issue, but the ACLU called those changes "cosmetic," and the group is helping resident "Jane Doe" file the suit.

Barber responded to the lawsuit by inferring that something nefarious was at work: "They are just picking on the little guy. They filed the lawsuit but they didn't even name a defendant. … I don't think it's fair to the citizens. How do we know the ACLU isn't making up a name?"

The ACLU, which has litigated and supported civil-rights litigation for nearly a century, would file a lawsuit in federal court using a phony plaintiff? Using a pseudonym in such cases is hardly novel (e.g. Roe v. Wade). According to the complaint filed with the lawsuit, "Doe" has been a Pittsylvania County resident for 15 years and has attended board meetings regularly for the past three years. She only contacted the ACLU recently about the prayer, however, because she read about a recent appeals court case in which sectarian legislative prayer was ruled unconstitutional.

"She sues pseudonymously because she fears that she will be retaliated against and ostracized in the community if her true identity becomes known," the complaint said, especially since "Doe" wants to continue to attend board meetings. Indeed, the board continued holding such prayers despite a warning from the ACLU, and 200 supporters came to a board meeting to show support for the invocations.

A partial sample of one prayer the board delivered went, "God, without you, and Jesus, without you, there would be no life on earth, and we would not be able to sit down and express our Christian values before the good people of Pittsylvania County." Mr. Barber, one of those "good people" isn't interested in being lectured on the supervisors' "Christian values" during government business.

But the gold goes to former Sen. George Allen. George is running for his former Senate seat and is apparently still camera-shy after his last election.

The Washington Post reported Wednesday that a Democratic tracker (a staffer with audio/video equipment tasked with shadowing an opponent) has either been removed or asked to leave at least 10 public Allen campaign events by George's campaign since May. An Allen spokesman said, "George Allen has been doing events and fundraisers for state and local candidates all throughout Virginia and there's nothing unusual about a campaign or organization asking a Democrat staffer to leave, whether they are a tracker or not."

Never mind that outside groups have also been tracking George, and the Post reported that the state GOP has been tracking Democratic former Gov. Tim Kaine, George's likely opponent, since summer.

You can't blame George for his lack of hospitality toward trackers. He torpedoed his own re-election bid in 2006 when he called an Indian-American tracker "macaca" twice during a speech and told his audience to welcome the man to America. And George said it directly to the tracker's camera. Earlier this year, he asked an African-American reporter "What position did you play?" even though the man did not play sports.

Eventually these kind of statements stop being gaffes – they're just candid honesty!

That's George Allen, still trying to get the macaca off his back, today's Worst Virginian in the World!

Charlotte M. Pierson, Jerry Boykin, Wayne LaPierre

Because American Nazi Party founder George Lincoln Rockwell ran for governor as an independent in 1965, here are today's nominees for Worst Virginians in the World!

First up is Charlotte M. Pierson, general registrar of Richmond County. It's not quite Florida in 2000, but her goof has imperiled a candidate's re-election bid.

Sixteen-year Richmond County Commonwealth's Attorney Wayne L. Emery will not appear on the ballot this election because of a filing technicality with his petitions: He used single-sided paper. The State Board of Elections changed its policy in January requiring petitions and the circulars affidavit to appear on double-sided paper to prevent fraud.

When Emery submitted the stapled paperwork to Pierson in May, she was unaware of the rule change, the Richmond Times-Dispatch reported Sunday. "Three times after May 19, we went to the registrar saying, 'Are we OK?'" Emery said. "And three times, we were told that yeah, we were OK."

After the Aug. 23 deadline passed, a Northern Neck News reporter contacted the State Board of Elections on a tip and relayed the message to Pierson about the rule change and Emery's paperwork. Sure enough, the board told her the paperwork was invalid. A local election board and Circuit Court ruled against Emery's assertion that he appear on the ballot anyway, so he's started a write-in campaign.

Just poke the chad in the butterfly ballot for a write-in candidate.

Our runner-up is retired Lt. Gen. Jerry Boykin, a self-proclaimed "conservative Christian" who continues to do a disservice to both.

His latest episode of self-aggrandizement was a speech at a Family Foundation forum Thursday in Danville on politics and religion. "If we believe in Jesus Christ, we're right," he was quoted in the Danville Register & Bee on Friday. "And the truth will prevail." So much for that idea of "Judge not, that ye be not judged."

Boykin also referenced the controversy of Pittsylvania County lawmakers holding sectarian prayers before meetings. "'This is just the tip of the iceberg,' said Boykin. No one will do anything to offend a Muslim, he said, but they don’t care to offend Christians," the Register & Bee reported.

But Boykin himself has offended Islam. He was forced to backtrack from comments he made in January 2003 in which he said about an enemy Somali strongman, "I knew that my God was bigger than his. I knew that my God was a real God and his was an idol." A few months later, he gave a speech in uniform that he also had to clarify later in which he said there are Muslim extremists "because we're a Christian nation, because our foundation and our roots are Judeo-Christians. ... And the enemy is a guy named Satan." Boykin co-authored a book titled "Sharia: The Threat to America," claiming how most American mosques have been radicalized, most Muslim social organizations are "jihadist" front groups, and that Muslims who practice Sharia law want to impose it on America. When he's not insulting the Muslim religion, Boykin is comparing health care reform to Nazism.

Boykin is currently the Wheat Visiting Professor in Leadership at Hampden-Sydney College. Any students required to take his classes should demand a tuition refund.

But our winner is Wayne LaPierre, CEO of the Fairfax-based National Rifle Association who never met a conspiracy theory he didn't like.

Wayne rattled off all the NRA conspiracy theories in just one speech at a CPAC rally in Florida on Friday, as reported by Crooks and Liars and Media Matters.

He can see President Obama's cabal of conspirators, ranging from his Supreme Court appointments to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, and beyond. "Sotomayor, Kagan, Fast & Furious, the United Nations, executive orders. Those are the facts we face today. ... President Obama and his cohorts, yeah, they're going to deny their conspiracy to fool gun owners. Some in the liberal media, they are already probably blogging about it. But we don't care because the lying, conniving Obama crowd can kiss our Constitution!"

Never mind that the Obama administration has pursued no substantive gun control legislation, Wayne can see a "massive Obama conspiracy" at work. Obama is only pretending to care about gun rights, Wayne proclaimed.

"But it's a big fat stinking lie, just like all the other lies that have come out of this corrupt administration. It's all part – it's all part of a massive Obama conspiracy to deceive voters and hide his true intentions to destroy the Second Amendment in our country. ... And Obama himself is no fool. So when he got elected, they concocted a scheme to stay away from the gun issue, lull gun owners to sleep, and play us for fools in 2012. Well, gun owners are not fools, and we are not fooled. We see the president's strategy crystal clear: get re-elected, and with no other re-elections to worry about, get busy dismantling and destroying our firearms freedom. Erase the Second Amendment from the Bill of Rights and exorcise it from the U.S. Constitution. That's their agenda."

Obama's "conspiracy" to do away with gun rights sure has been stagnant. The Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence gave Obama an "F" for his lack of action on gun control in his first year as president. Last August, the group criticized Obama for being too slow in nominating a permanent director for the ATF. (He finally did so in November). The Brady Campaign also slammed Obama in January for failing to mention gun violence in his State of the Union address in the wake of the Tuscon shooting.

A blogger at ThinkProgress.org said it best about Wayne's claims: "It's unclear, however, why anyone should believe the NRA's paranoia. By LaPierre's logic, Obama also has a secret plan to launch a manned mission to Uranus, convert the nation to Pastafarianism, and wipe out the pink flamingo. After all, Obama has done exactly as much to accomplish these three goals as he has done to undermine gun owners' rights."

That's Wayne "Obama's army of unicorn-riding leprechauns will take your guns!" LaPierre, today's Worst Virginian in the World!

Sandra Smith-Jones, Donald Regan Crumpacker, Karen Spillman

Because Virginia seceded before North Carolina or Tennessee – briefly creating some kind of Confederate satellite state – here are today’s nominees for Worst Virginians in the World!

The bronze goes to Sandra Smith-Jones. She is a member of the Virginia Beach School Board – and works full time for a private education company in Saudi Arabia.

When she accepted the overseas position, Smith-Jones said last month that she would resign from the School Board, and a farewell reception was held. Yet, she decided on Aug. 30 to keep both jobs because she “didn’t trust the School Board majority to appoint the right person to replace her,” according to a board member quoted in The Virginian-Pilot of Hampton Roads.

Smith-Jones said her job will allow her to return to Virginia Beach for a few weeks every couple of months, the School Board chairman told the Pilot on Sept. 1. The board does not have the authority to reject her decision, and some questioned her residency status and fidelity to the board’s Code of Ethics. The pledge dictates that members “Make every effort to attend all Board meetings.” But Smith-Jones never signed the document (because of her protest over the exclusion of an anti-discrimination clause), which is framed and hanging in the board’s chambers.

Now, the Pilot reported Wednesday that she will keep her home in Virginia, and division lawyers found that Smith-Jones meets residency criteria. Board members are now forced to delegate her committee responsibilities, including monthly student discipline hearings.

The first mandate on the Code of Ethics is “Remember that my first and greatest concern must be the educational welfare of all students attending Virginia Beach public schools.” Since Smith-Jones – who appropriately lists Mindless Behavior as a favorite band on her Facebook page – now lives in the Middle East and never signed the pledge, she can sleep soundly knowing she is totally absolved from caring about the welfare of her students.

The silver goes to accused copper thief and church vandal Donald Regan Crumpacker of Roanoke.

City police have charged him with stealing copper downspouts since June at at least three churches to sell as scrap, The Roanoke Times reported Wednesday, with at least two other churches also being vandalized.

Last week the Times ran a story on how the downspout thefts, as well as heating pump thefts, have hurt the churches. Four heat pumps valued at $22,000 were stolen from one church, and another had to pay $650 to replace its downspouts with aluminum ones. All this even though scrap copper is only worth about $5.50 a pound.

Incidentally, there have been no reported copper thefts in Roanoke since Crumpacker’s arrest on Saturday.

“The type of person who would steal from a church is just petty,” one pastor told the Times last week. “What I said when the spouts were stolen, I can’t repeat in the newspaper.” Amen.

But today’s winner is Principal Karen Spillman of Colonial Forge High School in Stafford. She is the source of national attention and ire for her maltreatment of Banana Man. That’s right.

Last Friday at a football game, sophomore Bryan Thompson donned a banana costume and sprinted around the empty field at halftime. The 14-year-old surrendered without incident but was handcuffed and placed in a police car. (He won’t be charged.)

The Colonial Forge administration was not amused.

The Free Lance-Star of Fredericksburg reported Thursday that Spillman suspended Bryan for 10 days and has recommended to the county superintendent that he be suspended for the rest of the school year. In a letter to Bryan’s mother, Spillman said he is being suspended for “disobedience,” “disrespectful behavior,” “disruption,” and “refusal to follow directions.” Bryan’s mother is appealing.

Aside from the fact that his stunt hurt no one and disrupted very little, Bryan’s mother said he has high-functioning autism, which can make him act impulsively without understanding the consequences of his actions. The Free Lance-Star reported, “Bryan’s mother said school officials told her Bryan was laughing after the incident. She said she could see that happening, but that Bryan probably didn’t understand the severity of the situation. ‘That‘s part of his autism,’ she said.”

This story has received nationwide attention, and people have rallied to support “Banana Man.” There are supportive Facebook groups, Colonial Forge students have worn “Free Banana Man” shirts, and a protest was planned at the school (which never occurred). Reportedly, the shirts have been confiscated because they’ve been waved disruptively as rally flags, and bananas with “Free Banana Man” written on them have also been confiscated. The ACLU of Virginia has warned the school that they cannot ban or confiscate “Free Banana Man” shirts simply because administrators don’t like them.

In fact, this isn’t the first time Bryan has been suspended. He was suspended this year for the heinous crime of having his cell phone alarm go off in class, and was suspended last year for creating a website for students to post funny photos of themselves to comment on that was perceived by administrators as a forum for bullying.

To paraphrase the immortal Mark Twain: “First God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school administrators.”

That’s Karen “Spare the suspension, spoil the autistic child!” Spillman, principal of Colonial Forge High School in Stafford, today’s Worst Virginian in the World!

202 Market, Robert Hurt, Michaele Salahi

Because Virginia's state motto "Sic Semper Tyrannis" was invoked by both John Wilkes Booth and Timothy McVeigh after their crimes, here are today's nominees for Worst Virginians in the World!

First up is 202 Market, a bar and restaurant in Roanoke in trouble with the Alcohol Beverage Control Board because of an impromptu strip show.

The establishment held a bachelor/bachelorette charity auction in February that turned randy after a local oddball named River Laker (yes, really) unexpectedly stripped totally nude on stage over a period of several minutes, ultimately covering his genitals with just a bike helmet before he was finally escorted off-stage. 202 Market got in trouble with ABC because "stripjoint" conduct is prohibited at ABC-licensed establishments, and employees failed to stop it. Indeed, emcees twice said aloud during Laker's stunt that 202 Market would lose its license if he kept stripping down.

The Roanoke Times reported Saturday that an administrative law judge ruled that 202 Market must either suspend its liquor license for 10 days, or for 3 days and pay a $1,000 fine. The judge found, "What may have been initially unforeseeable became foreseeable as Mr. Laker moved inexorably toward nudity, had anyone in management been paying attention." However, the judge found that 202 Market didn't know in advance that Laker would strip to his birthday suit, so the bar wasn't punished further. 202 Market is appealing.

Laker, meanwhile, bragged that his antics were "genius," and a video of his stripping showed up on YouTube. There was no indication if any women bid on him.

The runner-up is Rep. Robert Hurt, a freshman country club Republican who has joined his colleagues in re-fighting the New Deal. He co-sponsored a bill aimed at weakening the National Labor Relations Board's authority to defend federal union laws in the wake of the Boeing non-scandal.

The NLRB in April filed a complaint against Boeing for moving its Washington state plant to South Carolina, a right-to-work state, to dodge union activity, which is unlawful. The smoking gun was statements by Boeing officials that the move was in part because of strikes at the Washington plant. "The overriding factor was not the business climate. And it was not the wages we’re paying today. It was that we cannot afford to have a work stoppage, you know, every three years," said one executive. Republicans have used the case to whine about organized labor and government regulations.

The House of Representatives passed the anti-NLRB bill, and Hurt, R-5th (Charlottesville, Danville, Farmville), emailed supporters on Sunday a transcript and video of his floor speech endorsing the bill, showing the measured restraint of a 5-year-old on a sugar rush:

"One of the most recent and troubling examples of this government overreach is the latest move by the unelected National Labor Relations Board to block Boeing from creating thousands of jobs in South Carolina. This kind of government intervention is a direct attack on our economic freedom, and has disastrous effects on 5th District Virginians and all Americans. It has the potential to cost thousands of jobs at a time when we need jobs most. It dangerously and unacceptably inserts the federal government into the business decisions of private companies. ... If we are serious about getting our economy back on track, we must support these kinds of policies that help restore certainty to the marketplace."

Because nothing can "restore certainty to the marketplace" like companies chilling union activity by bolting to right-to-work states. This is not some plot of partisan agents to destroy capitalism and is hardly new.

In its statement announcing the complaint in April, the NLRB said: "To remedy the alleged unfair labor practices, the Acting General Counsel [Lafe Solomon] seeks an order that would require Boeing to maintain the second production line in Washington state. The complaint does not seek closure of the South Carolina facility, nor does it prohibit Boeing from assembling planes there." In response to the rancor against the NLRB, Solomon said in a statement in May:

"Contrary to certain public statements made in recent weeks, there is nothing remarkable or unprecedented about the complaint issued against the Boeing Company on April 20. The complaint involves matters of fact and law that are not unique to this case, and it was issued only after a thorough investigation in the field, a  further careful review by our attorneys in Washington, and an invitation by me to the parties to present their case and discuss the possibility of a settlement. ... It is important to note that the issuance of a complaint is just the beginning of a legal process, which now moves to a hearing before an administrative law judge. ... At any point in this process, the parties could reach a settlement agreement and we remain willing to participate in any such discussions at the request of either or both parties.  We hope all interested parties respect the legal process, rather than trying to litigate this case in the media and public arena."

A century and a half later, conservative Southern politicians still detest the word "union."

But our winner is Michaele Salahi of Front Royal. She and her husband Tareq won their 15 minutes of fame for crashing a White House state dinner in 2009, and Michaele would star on "The Real Housewives of D.C."

Last week when Michaele went missing, Tareq called the police and feared she was kidnapped. But authorities were able to get in contact with her and discovered her whereabouts: She ran off with Neal Schon, the guitarist from Journey, in Memphis. In fact, Journey paid for her travel expenses.

The Northern Virginia Daily reported Saturday that Tareq is now filing for divorce. He claims in court filings that Michaele was having an affair with Schon "for months" and "over the objections of me, she continually exposes our friends and acquaintances to her adulterous relationship, and she had flaunted the same throughout the community, the nation and indeed the world, and thus caused ... me to suffer great harm, humiliation and embarrassment." To make matters worse, an auction was scheduled for Sunday for the Salahis' wine and equipment from their winery as part of a bankruptcy proceeding.

Perez Hilton reported Monday that Michaele has been approached to be a consultant with MarriedWivesClub.com, a site for "local unsatisfied wives looking to hook up." She can honestly say, "I'm not only an employee but also a client!"

That's Michaele "Living in her lonely world" Salahi, today's Worst Virginian in the World!

Shenandoah Area Agency on Aging, East Salem Elementary School, Pat Robertson

Because Virginia is the only state in the union where radar detectors are banned for all vehicles, here are today's nominees for Worst Virginians in the World!

The bronze goes to the Shenandoah Area Agency on Aging in Front Royal. These kind of regional offices offer services and resources for seniors and caregivers.

The Northern Virginia Daily reported Wednesday that the agency's board dismissed the CEO/president, director of development, and finance director after up to 30 unmailed checks to vendors were found in a staffer's desk last month. Although written on the agency's account, staff discovered that the agency couldn't cover the checks. (Meanwhile, the CEO earned $102,838 in 2010.)

State and local investigators are auditing the agency, and the agency will have to submit a report to the chief of the Virginia Department of Rehabilitative Services and Virginia Department for the Aging.

This isn't the first time the Shenandoah Area Agency on Aging has been in financial hot water. The agency settled a 2009 lawsuit with Winchester when the city said it failed to pony up $250,000 for the expansion of the local War Memorial Building.

The silver goes to East Salem Elementary School in Salem. An East Salem kindergartner was dropped off at the wrong bus stop and wound up wandering north for about three-fourths of a mile on busy Route 419 toward home before two Good Samaritans stopped to give her a ride.

The Roanoke Times reported Wednesday that the 5-year-old did not have a tag with her bus route and parents' contact information, like her teacher was supposed to pin on her at day's end. The school is reviewing its procedures.

Her mother asked, "If she hadn't gotten in the car, where would she be right now?" The school is very lucky the girl wasn't hurt or kidnapped.

But the gold goes to televangelist Pat Robertson (real first name Marion), who continues to exhibit symptoms of advanced syphilis.

The Associated Press reported Thursday that the Virginia Beach host of "700 Club" said on his show Tuesday that divorce is OK if a spouse has Alzheimer's disease. "I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her." When a co-host rebutted with the "for better or for worse" and "in sickness and in health" vows, Marion responded, "If you respect that vow, you say 'til death do us part. This is a kind of death."

This appalling and heartless declaration of moral abandonment should chill anyone with a soul. Yes, caregiving for a loved one with Alzheimer's is difficult and frustrating because seniors with advanced Alzheimer's cannot care for themselves or remember even basic things. But the Alzheimer's Association was unnerved by Marion's suggestion.

"We don't hear a lot of people saying 'I'm going to get divorced,'" said one association official. "Families typically respond the way they do to any other fatal disease." Another told ABC News, "We were really surprised. This is not any kind of trend we've seen. In fact, Alzheimer's families really rally together around their loved ones."

This is a particularly disturbing idea to hear from a preacher. Marion seems to harken back to a time when the mentally ill were thrown into barbaric institutions or shunned from others. Emotional cognizance is normally the last personality trait to fade for Alzheimer's patients. Marion lost his long ago.

That's Marion/Pat "Who Would Jesus Abandon?" Robertson, today's Worst Virginian in the World!

Bob Goodlatte, George Allen, Angeline Lillard

Because the Virginia-Tennessee border was not officially agreed upon until 1902, here are today's nominees for Worst Virginians in the World!

First up is Rep. Bob Goodlatte. He is one of the Republican's greatest champions of a balanced budget amendment, and Goodlatte claims to have a powerfully influential ally on his side: Thomas Jefferson.

PolitiFact checked Goodlatte's claim and found it Half True on Friday. Sure, TJ in a letter in 1798 said that he supported a constitutional amendment to prohibit federal borrowing. But, like with much of what TJ believed at one point or another in his lifetime, he changed his mind or at least softened his stance on this issue.

As president he relied on public debt for the $15 million Louisiana Purchase in 1803. TJ supported public debt to fund the War of 1812, although he believed it should be paid off in a generation.

As one historian put it, "You pick the year – 1798, he's for an amendment [banning federal borrowing]. In 1813 he's saying it's OK to borrow, but you have to borrow within certain restrictions, but don't tie the hands of Congress by saying it's a rule."

If TJ was such an avid supporter of a balanced budget amendment in his day, he would've done more than mention it in a private letter to a friend.

Our runner-up is former Sen. George Allen, an oldie but a goody. George, who is campaigning to win back his Senate seat, claims on his website about his governorship in the 1990s, "He challenged critics and sentiment that suggested it couldn't be done, reining in government spending and substantially reducing the size of the state workforce."

PolitiFact says no way, George. "Even if you subtract about $1.75 billion in spending increases Allen aides say he was required to authorize, the general fund budget would have increased 20 percent under Allen's watch," PolitiFact found in its False rating. Not all of the factors were George's doing or in his control: inflation, population growth, and Medicaid costs among them.

But some budget items were because of his policies, such as $400 million in prison construction for his push to abolish parole and extend sentences, and $260 million set aside to help fund the end of the car tax for his successor, Jim Gilmore.

PolitiFact points out that if George claimed that he fought to curb spending rather than actually reigning in spending, that'd be more accurate. Not that George has a good history of choosing his words carefully, mind you.

But our winner is Angeline Lillard, a University of Virginia psychology professor. She was the lead author on a study published Monday that found that watching just nine minutes of SpongeBob SquarePants can cause short-term attention and learning problems in 4-year-olds because of its fast-paced animation. (SpongeBob isn't nearly as "fast-paced" as myriad of other cartoons.)

These children fared worse in mental-function tests than those who were told to watch a PBS documentary or draw with crayons instead for the study. Lillard said parents shouldn't let their children watch such shows before school or when they need to be focused on something.

Nickelodeon is crabby about it. A spokesman said such a study is inherently flawed and that the show is meant for kids age 6-11, not 4-year-olds. (That's ageism, Nickelodeon!)

SpongeBob has become quite the controversial social activist for being a laughy fry cook who lives in a pineapple under the sea. The show got flak from Focus on the Family for being part of a pro-tolerance program, and the Fox and Friends screwballs said that a SpongeBob show on pollution and going green was "pushing a global warming agenda." This just in: Oceanographers are outraged that the show portrays talking wildlife and underwater fire!

Lillard said that SpongeBob shouldn't be singled out among other cartoons. But, really, it's no fair to pick on SpongeBob, who did no harm to anyone and only wants to karate chop with Sandy and go jellyfishing with Patrick. Doesn't he have enough problems working for a penny-pinching ex-sailor, protecting the Crabby Patty Secret Formula from a sadistic competitor, and trying to finally pass boating school? Leave SpongeBob alone, eggheads!

That's professor Angeline Lillard, UVa's resident Squidward, today's Worst Virginian in the World!

Democratic Party of Virginia, Dwight C. Jones, Ken Cuccinelli

Because Virginia-born William Henry Harrison was a Congressional Gold Medal recipient and the only president to have practiced medicine, but is remembered today as the man who died a month into his presidency, here are today's nominees for Worst Virginians in the World!

The bronze goes to the Democratic Party of Virginia. It's election season so it must be hyperbole season. The crux of the Democrats' strategy to hold onto its two-seat majority in the Senate is to portray their GOP challengers as too radical for 2011 – or 1911, or 1811.

The Washington Post reported Tuesday that party Executive Director Dave Mills and Sen. Donald McEachin, D-9th (Charles City and Henrico counties, Richmond), held a conference call with reporters to slam Republican senatorial candidates as extreme right-wingers who are more interested in pursuing an agenda than helping the economy or creating jobs.

Yet, one of them said on the call that these Republicans are "the most radical extreme slate in history." Even if we assume they mean Virginia history, really, the entirety of this state's history?

More radical than Virginia's two senators who were expelled from Congress for supporting the Confederacy? More radical than Prince Edward County lawmakers who closed its public schools for five years rather than desegregate them in the early 1960s? More radical than Harry F. Byrd Sr., Edmund Ruffin, or Nathaniel Beverley Tucker?

Not to mention that the expelled senators and Sen. Byrd were Democrats.

The silver goes to Richmond Mayor Dwight C. Jones. He failed to report on his 2011 Statement of Economic Interests in January that he bought a 1,200-square-foot condo in April of last year for $252,500 in Palm Beach County, Florida, the Richmond Times-Dispatch reported Wednesday.

Jones said it was an honest mistake, since the paperwork was filled out by someone else for his signature. An amended form will be filed with the county clerk's office. If prosecuted for knowingly filing an inaccurate Statement of Economic Interests, a defendant would face a $500 fine and removal from employment.

However, the Times Dispatch also reported, "On the form, Jones reported 'No' when asked whether he or an immediate family member had any interest valued at $10,000 or more in real property other than his principal residence, which also was not listed as required."

Maybe the mayor is just homeless and lives in his office.

But our winner is Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli. The Richmond-based 4th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals on Thursday threw out his much-publicized lawsuit against the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act over the individual mandate.

Virginia passed a law forbidding state residents from being forced to buy health insurance, so Cooch sued the federal government. This lawsuit was separate from a multi-state case in the courts. The appeals court didn't even weigh in on the merits of the case but dismissed Cooch's suit entirely for lack of standing.

Simply borrowing a page from the nullification playbook to fight a federal law because it conflicts with a state law is insufficient, the court ruled. What if a state law prohibited residents from paying into Social Security?, it asked.

"To permit a state to litigate whenever it enacts a statute declaring its opposition to federal law ... would convert the federal judiciary into a 'forum' for the vindication of a state's 'generalized grievances about the conduct of government.' Under Virginia’s standing theory, a state could acquire standing to challenge any federal law merely by enacting a statute – even an utterly unenforceable one – purporting to prohibit the application of the federal law."

When he first filed the lawsuit last year, Cooch said, "We need to reemphasize that there are sovereigns in America. One of those is the Commonwealth of Virginia." The appeals court saw it differently: "When a state brings a suit seeking to protect individuals from a federal statute, it usurps this sovereign prerogative of the federal government and threatens the 'general supremacy of federal law.' ... A state has no interest in the rights of its individual citizens sufficient to justify such an invasion of federal sovereignty." For a man who believes he is carrying James Madison's constitutional torch, Cooch conveniently forgets the part of the Constitution that says federal laws are "the supreme law of the land."

The fact that Cooch filed the suit on behalf of the state alone also hurt. "It challenges a statutory provision that applies not to states, but exclusively to individuals," the court ruled. A Cornell law professor agreed, quoted in The Washington Post saying, "It’s not clear to me why they didn’t at least enlist individual plaintiffs."

Cooch told the Heritage Foundation last year, "That’s actually secondary to the real important aspect of the case, and that is to protect the Constitution as we essentially define the outer limits of federal power. If we lose, it’s very much the end of federalism as we’ve known it for over 220 years." Cooch's form of federalism died at Appomattox nearly 150 years ago.

That's Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, whose views remain unchanged since 1791, today's Worst Virginian in the World!

Fairfax County School Board, Jeff Caruso, Eric Cantor

Because the state Senate voted to make "Oh Shenandoah" the official state song in 2006, even though the original tune refers to the Indian chief rather than the valley or river, here are today's nominees for Worst Virginians in the World!

First up is the Fairfax County School Board. Teacher and soccer coach Sean Lanigan was acquitted last year of molesting a sixth-grader at Centre Ridge Elementary in a gym storage room (the girl lied about the incident because she was mad at him), but he racked up tens of thousands of dollars in legal bills.

The school board offered Lanigan much less, just $60,000 and a condition he not sue any school officials, The Washington Post's The State of NoVa blog reported Tuesday. He is suing the school board for a no-strings-attached $107,838, the most he can be reimbursed for in his case under county policy after acquittal for an employment-related criminal charge. The police bungled the case, but the school district followed along by not getting Lanigan's side of the story before contacting the authorities or before police confronted and accused him.

Although a jury acquitted Lanigan after just 47 minutes of deliberation because of a lack of evidence and blatant deceit on the part of accusers and witnesses, he talked to the Post in May about his ordeal. He was transferred twice, suspended without pay, had his face plastered all over the media and Internet, spent time in a protective wing in jail, and was pushed by prosecutors to plead guilty to misdemeanor assault.

After his acquittal, the school district waited three months to reinstate him, burdened his family by transferring him, and gave him a part-time position. When he did return to teaching full time, the district reprimanded him with demeaning guidelines, such as: "Avoid placing yourself in close physical proximity to any student, particularly in a manner that could be interpreted as sexual. ... Do not be alone in your office or other rooms with a student unless the door is open and you and the student are visible from outside the room."

Well no wonder the school district isn't paying Lanigan back – they still think he's culpable.

The runner-up is Jeff Caruso, executive director of the Virginia Catholic Conference, the public policy arm of the state's dioceses.

After the General Assembly passed a law in February that reclassified abortion clinics as hospitals, the state Department of Health laid out new guidelines to regulate them as such, which would be one of the strictest, if not the strictest, in the country. The state Board of Health must approve the regulations this month, and Gov. Bob McDonnell must sign off on them before year's end.

Although supporters claim the new policies are about health, many have little or nothing to do with patient well-being (exam rooms must be 80 square feet, public corridors must be 5 feet wide, ceilings must be 7 feet, 10 inches tall), and the state's abortion providers are worried that they will have to close because they cannot afford to bring the clinics up to code.

The Virginia Catholic Conference has supported the changes, but a line was crossed in a press release on Wednesday authored by Caruso: 

"Abortion is not health care because it ends lives rather than healing them. The existence of the abortion industry under the guise of 'health care' is, however, a sad and tragic reality in our Commonwealth and our country. ... These items and so many others contained in the proposal deserve strong support from those who consider themselves pro-life and those who consider themselves pro-choice. Indeed, it is hard to imagine why groups that say they are concerned about women's health would oppose these standards."

Mr. Caruso should apologize to all women who had to have abortions because of serious health risks. The Catholic Church – which still opposes contraception – its entities, and its followers can believe and argue what they want on the morality of abortion. But this argument about health care, and that a health exception for legal abortions is meaningless because any woman or physician can claim a health risk, is personally offensive.

My friend's boyfriend impregnated her a few years ago, but because she already had kids, she was going to put this one up for adoption. Unfortunately, her blood pressure soared, creating a tangible health risk, and she got an abortion even though she normally would not have. If there was only a life-threatening exception for legal abortions, then she might've had to suffer or risk suffering a debilitating stroke or heart attack before being treated.

In general, health reasons for abortions have included gestational diabetes, cancer, and cystic fibrosis. Hospitals often refer women to outpatient or other inpatient treatment locations for abortions, or women have to find clinics elsewhere on their own. In a few sample cases, one Nebraska woman conceived after undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer, risking complications of the disease and birth defects, but a hospital wouldn't treat her so she sought out an abortion clinic; a Louisiana hospital would not terminate a woman's pregnancy because of her cardiomyopathy despite doctors' warnings that the pregnancy might kill her, so she had to travel 100 miles by ambulance to Texas for an abortion; and another woman traveled 200 miles by ambulance for an abortion because of severe pregnancy-related renal failure.

Most religion-affiliated hospitals prohibit their doctors from performing abortions, and groups like the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops want a broad legal conscientious objection to not provide or cover patients' birth control. The existence of the religion industry under the guise of "health care" is, however, a sad and tragic reality in our commonwealth and our country.

But our winner is U.S. House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, again. (Eric, there is no prize or award for being named Worst Virginian the most number of times in a year!) Cantor, R-7th, has been in the news quite a bit this past week because of his comments that natural disaster relief should be offset with budget cuts elsewhere, even though his district and state were hit by an earthquake and hurricane in the same week.

For starters, Cantor has been rebuked by Republican Govs. Chris Christie of New Jersey and McDonnell himself. Christie told a crowd, "Our people are suffering now, and they need support now. And they [Congress] can all go down there and get back to work and figure out budget cuts later. We need the support now here in New Jersey, and that’s not a Republican or a Democratic issue." McDonnell said on radio, "My concern is that we help people in need. For the FEMA money that’s going to flow, it's up to them on how they get it. I don't think it's the time to get into that [deficit] debate."

Cantor has softened his stance some. The Richmond Times-Dispatch quoted him Wednesday as saying that relief will not be withheld until funds are offset. "These are disasters that there is a precedent for a federal role. I believe there's an appropriate federal role. And the monies will be there," Cantor said. Yet, a former senior FEMA official told TPMDC about the risks involved with offsetting in general: 

"They've addressed offsets before, and unfortunately offsets were from [Housing and Urban Development] money – community development block grants – which are a good tool for recovering from disaster. ... Is anybody vehemently opposed to offsets? No. But they need to make sure that if they do them that, one, it happens quickly and, two, it doesn't come from programs that help recovery."

Additionally, The Huffington Post reported Wednesday that Cantor voted against offsetting disaster relief when an amendment came up for vote in 2004 after Tropical Storm Gaston, which also affected Virginia. Cantor's office told HuffPo, "We are living in different times," and cited the higher national debt as a reason for offsetting now.

If that's the case, Cantor should argue for the Bush-era tax cuts to lapse. After all, the percentage of publicly-held debt of the GDP will be 100% in 2021 with the tax cuts in place compared to 60% without them. Cantor himself said last year, "If you have less revenues coming in to the federal government, and more expenditures, what does that add up to? Certainly you are going to dig the hole deeper."

That's Eric – "I was against offsetting disaster relief before I was for it!" – Cantor, today's Worst Virginian in the World!

I will be on vacation this weekend, but Worst Virginians will return Sept. 9.